the bachelorette thoughts - july 29+30 finale!

YOU GUYS. I feel hungover from these last two days. So much crap for me to process. And four hours of TV to discuss. Let’s nutshell this…

Night One

Night one in a nutshell: First of all, Peter is sent home. Sweet guy, and despite Hannah’s clear fondness for his man parts, I don’t think this was a surprise. He joins Harrison in the live studio, looking like he’s heading to a funeral. His parents look completely devastated, right up until the point they find out he humped Hannah four times. Parenting is weird.

Now it’s down to Jed and Tyler. The Bachelor producers did their best to put Jed in a negative light, so we could REALLY get behind her later decision to dump him. It worked. He looks like a big dork while meeting her parents, touting his dog food jingle. I’m sure he told her parents that he wants to be a musician but isn’t afraid to do what it takes to provide for his family, like selling music to a dog food company. But of course, it’s edited to look like his end-goal was dog food and he’s SO PROUD of it. Hahaha.

Side note: Hannah’s parents tell Jed that marriage in their family is “one and done”. Really? It is? That’s so surprising because most other families are “one and see how it goes and if it has to be two or three then oh well.” So annoying… I don’t love it when people say that. All smug-like. But then again, I don’t love a lot of shit Hannah’s Dad says, like a man should work 14-16 hours a day to provide for his family. So the wife can be a part-time photographer and blog about the Bachelor. Wait what.

Anyway, Tyler is this hot, slightly trashy, but super sweet contractor, who they make look like Jesus Christ your savior. Don’t get me wrong – I’m a huge Tyler fan and he was clearly the better choice here, but the producers REALLY had an opinion they wanted to get across. Ha.

Then Hannah has her final two dates with Jed and Tyler before proposal day. In a nutshell – Tyler’s date was romantic and beautiful, and for Jed’s date, she puked off the side of a boat. Oh and when she’s leaving Jed’s room, she’s carrying a notebook. I bet Jed wrote her some songs and he was SUPER pissed when they didn’t air any of his new material.

OK Tuesday night: The dudes each pick a ring from Neil Lane, who is wondering why NONE of his rings ever make it through to an actual wedding. They head to some Greek landfill for the final proposal, where she dumps Tyler and it’s heartbreaking. She then chooses Jed, who sings her a fucking song of course.

DRAMA CENTRAL

OK After the proposal, they were apparently happy for 12-14 hours before he tells her that he was dating a girl before he left to be on the show, but she was definitely NOT his girlfriend. Then a few weeks later, the non-girlfriend came forward with the whole truth. Not only did they date, but they took trips together, met each other’s families, humped a bunch (including the night before he came on the show) and said I love you. But still, says Jed, NOT a girlfriend.

Jed heads to Hannah’s place (I guess?) to discuss this with her. Using his better judgement, he doesn’t bring a guitar. She confronts him and he seems sad and sort of owns up to everything but not really. OK So here are my thoughts…The relationship would have been over right when all of this came out, because even if I thought what he did wasn’t horrible, I couldn’t get over the lies. The trust would be gone. But I’d be WAY more mad (madder?) about the fact he had girls in his apartment that he was throwing in a pool AFTER the engagement? What the hell was that part about? Again, even if he didn’t cheat on her, the trust would be gone and she’d always wonder. So she takes off the ring and said it wasn’t what she said yes to. Well done, girlfriend.

Live Show 

Hannah tells us the relationship is totally done. Jed comes out to join her and despite his plea to producers, they wouldn’t let him bring his guitar. Just kidding.

He is clearly, clearly in career-saving mode. He apologizes and says all the right things and I don’t hate him. He just screwed up, and after the lies, it never would have worked with Hannah. Hopefully he’ll learn and… whatever. It’ll be interesting to see if this helps or hurts his career. I would assume it would hurt it because everyone hates him right now, but I doubt music producers in Nashville care if he’s a dickhead with women? And maybe this brought him exposure. Whatever.

Tyler comes out and we looooove Tyler. Hannah says her feelings didn’t go away and now she’s a single girl, so she asks him out. He says yes. I get happy for the first time in two days but I quickly realize this probably won’t work out. First of all, she dumped him for another dude like a month ago, seconds before he was going to propose to her. I don’t think he just shrugged that off? And since that happened, he’s probably realized he could now start dating Victoria Secret models. I really hope he still loves her but things have changed. But alas, I will cling to that hope…And now? Onto Bachelor in Paradise. You guys, it’s so much smut I can’t wait. Next week!