the bachelorette thoughts - june 24th show!

All I can say is that I really can’t wait for the Luke fallout. At SOME point, she has to tell him to fuck right off…...right? I mean we keep seeing those previews when he yells at her about the marital bed, but maybe that’s a fake preview. Anyhoo, this episode also sucked. So just a couple highlights for you:


Garrett Date 

Garrett and Hannah bungee jump naked and she has to hug his back acne. I feel terrible for even saying that, but it’s true and he must have been SO SAD to have to take his clothes off. The best part of that whole scene would’ve been how awkward it was when they were pulled to the side of the river and laid down and unhooked and had to scramble off each other while naked. Why didn’t they show THAT?

At dinner, she was veeeeeery pink and fuzzy.


Group Date

Group date is for Jed, Mike, Tyler, Dustin, Luke, Connor and Dylan. This date consists of walking around Riga, moonshine, pickles, arm wrestling, cheese and a wee bit o’ prayer.

At the after-party thing, Luke shames Hannah for getting naked with another guy and I cannot for the life of me understand why she doesn’t get how insane he is.

Other highlights. Connor has become mute, Dustin still has his nose ring, Hannah straddles Tyler very sexual-like and shocker – Jed plays the piano. You GUYS – did you hear all this crap about Jed having a girlfriend before he came on the show? Google it. Such a scumbag. And she probably picks him, ugh.

Tyler gets the rose because Luke is all “your body is only for your husband” and Tyler is all “she’s making decisions for herself, yo”.


Peter Date 

So Peter is a cute guy and seems super nice and normal, but I’m not sure if I can picture him naked writhing around on top of me. So it’s weird how Hannah keeps saying their sexual connection is unbelievable. He’s very…little brother-like?

They head to a random Latvia spa in the woods, where they are the only guests, they get sung to, and whip each other with leaves, but not TOO hard, Hannah, says random Latvian spa owner.

Side note: Peter is not a large guy and yet his robe is at least three sizes too small.

They squeeze into a tiny sauna with a cameraman and go to town. That poor, awkward and very sweaty cameraman.

She gives him the rose, they watch fireworks, and he says he’s on cloud nine, which is something no man should ever utter. Along with “having butterflies”. Just my opinion.

After her date with Peter, Jed serenades her. He’s so obviously in this for his career, gross. Anyhoo, she invites him up to her room, where she listens to him play, and then takes away his guitar (to his dismay) and straddles him. She is one smitten kitten. Or just really sexually ramped up from dry humping Peter in the sauna for three hours. She’s also probably really dehydrated.

Oh surprise the guys are all fighting again. If anyone mentions they need to “stay in their own lane” one more time, I’m going to drive off a fucking overpass.

And Hannah pulls Luke aside to fight some more. They fight more than any couple I’ve ever known.

Rose Ceremony

Garrett, Peter and Tyler already have roses. The other four roses go to Jed, Mike, Connor, and Luke. This means Dustin and Dylan go home and it’s the most predictable outcome ever. Of course she keeps Luke and even Harrison asks her, “Why do you like him?” Hahahaha.