the bachelorette thoughts - may 6th show!

I can’t decide if I have four hundred pages of crap to say about last night’s Bachelorette reunion or none. Hmm. Compromise – here are a few thoughts:

  • I would have been totally into that Bachelorette bus tour thing, but I would not have been totally into that ridiculous chick who was crying. CRYING? Because you’re such a fan of Neil Lane? I hate her.

  • I enjoyed some of those look-backs. Like when Mesnick dumped that somewhat annoying girl for Molly. Or when Trista chose Ryan with that creepy helium voice. Or when Casey, the guy who sounds like he swallowed a gym sock, sang to Ali on a glacier. That’s great TV, people.

  • Couple reenacting world record kiss?  Nope. Just nope.

  • I couldn’t love Nick Viall more. He has completely given up on trying to put on a face that the Bachelor people love. He barely cares about anything now. He’s like, “You’ll fly me out to LA for a 5-minute segment with random fans? Done. But I’m not being cute and gentleman-ly. I’m being Nick and you will LIKE IT.”

  • Kaitlyn is wearing so much goddamn makeup. Like SO MUCH. She looks like a drag queen. She was one of the more normal girls and just made herself look insane. Stop it girlfriend. Oh and she has a scrunchie business.

  • Mesnick and the first man-sob is my favorite part of this show.

  • OMG Wes is so gross now. You guys. So gross. He was kind of a dirtbag on the show but at least he was attractive. But now? Well that’s karma, people. His music career is in the toilet, he was homeless for awhile,  and somehow he still LOOKS homeless. But hey apparently, he found Jesus.

  • Rated R is now a bartender, Kalon is dating his golden-doodle, and David seems like he may have found Jesus too.

  • And JoJo Fletcher found Botox, whoa. You guys, I’ve had Botox before and I barely notice a difference. Why does she look so completely different? She’s still gorgeous and one of my faves, but…she needs to find Jesus too and have Him tell her to lay off the ‘Tox.

  • Rachel is having a fake Bachelorette baby shower with “all her closest friends”, which apparently includes nobody from her childhood, high school, college, law school, or work. She’s all bachelorette, all the time. And when did she even meet Ali Fedotowsky?

They end the show with Harrison hanging out with Hannah to get us excited about the Bachelorette premiere next Monday. I’m not sure it worked? But I’ll still watch of course…